Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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