I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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