This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
