why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
