Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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