How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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