Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
