I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
