Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
