She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
