I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
