Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
