my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
