im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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