what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
