Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
