first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
