it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
