Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
