we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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