i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
