a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
