Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
