The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
