I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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