I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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