guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize