the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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