I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just google imaged poop.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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