I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
