Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
