we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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