He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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