My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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