you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
