On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
