is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
