you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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