I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
