We're facebook friends in real life
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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