My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
