I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They have beer where we have blood.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
