You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
