i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
