i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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