One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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