I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
