As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
