He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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