Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize