he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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