I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
