i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
