I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
