I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
