remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
