think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
