I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
