sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
