lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
