saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
