Duck Duck Cougar?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
