I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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