All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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