The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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