You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
