no. you can't hotbox the world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
