i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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