I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize