I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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