I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
