Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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