You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
