Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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