It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
