chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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