Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
