i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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