This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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