i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
