If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
