I wish my penis had an off switch
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
