How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
