Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
