Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
