Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize