I'm lost and stupid without you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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