Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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