He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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