can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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