Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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