they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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