He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
