We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
