i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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